William Hanson’s Manners Blog

Here is the second of our conversations, contrasting table setting customs from both sides of the Atlantic.

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J: Let’s discuss table settings, specifically holiday formal table settings. I think it wise to limit this discussion to cutlery. We can discuss other topics, such as stemware, decorations and place cards at another time.

W: I think we should start with the very basics: how would we set a place setting for a three-course meal?

J: One rule I always use is that there should never be any silverware that is placed simply for decorative or ‘balance’ purposes, such as a tablespoon, which will not be used.

W: Yes. It confuses people, and that is not the point of good manners (which is meant to put people at ease).

J: For a three-course meal (soup, main, dessert) we would want a soup spoon, a dinner fork, dinner knife, dessert spoon and fork and butter spreader.

W: Now, one point I noted is the use of the word ‘dessert’. Can I have an historical tangent here?

J: Yes, do.

W: Well, calling a pudding ‘dessert’ is technically/historically wrong – don’t worry, no one knows this over here, either! A ‘dessert’ course was a fruit course that was eaten after the table had been cleared (deserted) and after the pudding. It was to cleanse the palate – similar to how we sometimes eat sorbet to after the first course nowadays. Therefore, the only dessert now is a piece of fruit, and not a hot pudding, which should be thus called ‘pudding’. (Oh – the Victorians got rid of the dessert course and thus the term was made redundant and now it’s merged with pudding.)

J: What do you eat the pudding course with?

W: A pudding fork/spoon (or, some call it, a ’small fork/spoon’).

J: And where are these small forks and spoons placed on the table, or are they brought out with the food?

W: In a house, they would be set with the other cutlery from the beginning (never above the setting – to the sides). But in a hotel, they would be brought to you after the main course.

J: We have no such course here, unless it’s bread pudding, which would be dessert.

W: I realize that. I was just highlighting the cultural differences – although most call it dessert over here now. (I just like my history!)

J: I like the history too! And so you never place dessert utensils above the place setting under any circumstances?

W: Well, it depends who you talk to on that one – I would advise not doing it as it originates from children’s nurseries, and is called ‘nursery setting’. But there is an increasing amount of restaurants etc. that set the American way, which isn’t strictly wrong, but is just different.

J: I have seen that done for continental style dining as well. Now, mind you, we can have a cheese course after the dessert course accompanied with fresh fruit such as grapes, apples and pears – no citrus.

W: Yes, we too have a cheese course, and that follows pudding and is called such: ‘cheese course’.

J: Sometimes we skirt the cheese course by having ample blue cheese in the salad. In a three-course meal, we might well have a salad course in lieu of a soup course.

W: Where would you place the butter/break knife? This is an interesting one, too.

J: That knife always goes on the butter plate.

W: Whereas over here (traditionally) it went to the very left of the cutlery on the right (knives/spoons) – nearest the plate. But it seems to have travelled to the bread plate now. We can rest the bread/butter knife on the bread plate once we pick it up but it should (over here) start on the side with the other cutlery.

J: What about the cocktail fork?

W: Cocktail fork?!!! What on earth is that? That sounds very Victorian!

J: That’s what you perhaps refer to as an oyster fork.

W: Oh, I see. Well, I admit defeat on this one. Enlighten me.

J: It’s a small three pronged fork used to eat oysters and shrimp cocktail

W: Yes, I know what it looks like. I meant where does it sit?

J: It is either brought out on the underplate of the course or placed in the bowl the outermost spoon (likely a soup spoon)

W: Aha – makes sense. I think that is where I would have put it if I were guessing!

J: Forks should generally have accompanying knives; i.e. a salad fork should have a corresponding knife.

W: Yes, although in olden days over here (and in France still now) it is a crime to cut your salad).

J: Salad should be served in such a way that it does not require cutting. However, I like the knife for ease of arranging the salad on the fork; two hands always work better than one. It goes without saying (for you and me) that the cutlery is laid according to the order of the courses served.

W: Precisely.

J: But there is a limit – no more than three forks or knives (not including the butter knife). What about the different sizes of soup spoons – oval vs. round?

W: I think a lot of it is personal choice; although I would use an oval one always (if I was setting a table and had the option)

J: I was taught that the round bowls were for bouillon and oval for cream soup but there seems to be a difference of opinion in some circles.

W: Yes, it seems to be one of those grey areas.

J: We also have those oversized tablespoons. When I was young we used them for soup. I could barely get the thing into my mouth. I don’t use them at all anymore except for cooking (yes) and as serving spoons.

W: I do the same thing.

J: Will, I think we’ve covered that subject pretty thoroughly. I look forward to continuing our discussions and pursuing more elements of the formal dinner table.

W: Yes, indeed, Jay. It’s always fun to see how many things we do the same way and yet how many things we do differently, but all in the name of good manners and civility.

J: I look forward to discussing stemware next time, William. That should round things out nicely.