Filed under: Daily Life | Tags: computers, etiquette, facebook, internet, manners, myspace, protocol, social networking, technology, twitter
This is not the first time this has happened; neither will it be the last, but according to media reports, a few weeks ago a worker was sacked for writing on her Facebook profile that her job with a marketing firm was “boring”. Kimberly Swann, 16, Essex, was asked to leave after her manager saw the comment.
Taken from BBC1's The Big Questions
The current ‘king’ of social networking, recently celebrated its fifth anniversary. The media covered this event thoroughly; I have spoken about the issue on various radio stations and last week on BBC1’s Sunday morning live debate programme, The Big Questions, hosted by Nicky Campbell.
Facebook is a wonderful tool, yet it can also pose great danger and caution is needed. It is important to remember that you are making information about yourself semi-public, and all-and-sundry can log-on, register and look at your profile.
I do not for one moment suggest that Facebook and the like are scrapped. Some of my friends are hopeless when it comes to email and the only way to get their attention is to send them a Facebook message (which can be both public and private). The important thing to remember is that social networking sites should be there to complement our social lives, and not to replace them. There is no substitute for face-to-face conversation. The danger with such sites is that younger generations will become unable to hold a proper conversation, or to write legibly. (My own handwriting is far from perfect! Although that is more to do with the rise of the computer in general, rather than Facebook or MySpace.)
These sites are no place for anyone who wants to remain anonymous or enigmatic; some people even choose not to reveal their real names.
As this unfortunate girl found out, some employers (rightly or wrongly) do now check their employees’ profiles – either before they hire or after. It is important that we don’t use our Facebook pages to create a different, more glamorous version of ourselves – masking the real person. If you are true and consistent to yourself, then you probably won’t fall into any traps. 
If you upload photographs of an event, do remember your friends’ egos. Decide (or ask) people what images they want online, especially if they are embarrassing. Don’t splurge out details of a private conversation you may have had in the public zones on the social networking sites. Avoid applications such as ‘Top Friends’, where you rate your friends and put them in order: you may as well line up your friends in real life and give them differing rosettes.
There is a school of thought that the more friends you have the more kudos you will gain amongst other friends: poppycock.
One positive of Facebook is that it tells you a few days before whose birthday is coming up, thus enabling you to (if they are a real friend) go and buy a present and/or card. This does not mean that for ‘real’ friends you can then write on their ‘Wall’ wishing them happy birthday. How impersonal!
Social networking sites can be a help; they can also be a hindrance. Common sense will help you steer clear of any mishaps that one day could cost you your job.
The more eagel-eyed amongst you may have realised that this post is a carbon copy of one I did for The English Manner’s blog earlier this week. We update that blog weekly (or try to). You can view it here.
Filed under: Etiquette Across the Pond, Table etiquette | Tags: america, britain, canada, drink, Etiquette Across the Pond, glasses, pond, stemware, uk, usa
It’s a new month, so here’s a new conversation between my colleague Jay Remer and me; this time we discuss stemware.
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J: So, today we’ll discuss various aspects of stemware (glasses) on a formal dinner table. I suppose we should begin with the simple directive that all glasses are arranged to the right of the dinner plate.
W: Yes, above the knives and spoons.
J: The glasses are arranged in reverse order of service. I think if there are going to be multiple courses, each served with its own wine, then no more than 5 glasses can comfortably be set at each place. The first glass to be filled is farthest to the right.
W: Correct.
J: In the normal course of a meal, soup is sometimes accompanied by sherry, nowadays more often offered from a small carafe by the server to pour directly into the soup.
W: Ah, now, you see, over here, serving Sherry is scarce and rather archaic, except as you indicate.
J: Over there you have been known to drink champagne straight through the meal, if not the entire afternoon, therefore really only requiring one glass!
W: Ha! Yes.
J: Next would likely be a white wine to accompany a salad or fish course.
W: Let’s say you are having a dinner party…your guests are having pre-dinner drinks in a reception room somewhere. Dinner is announced. Is it correct for the guests to carry their cocktails through to the dining table? Over here, drinks should never be carried through.
J: Over here, (we did after all we did popularize cocktails and introduced them to you blokes during the Second World War I believe) we do carry our drinks to the table except when we are at a state dinner or some other extremely formal occasion.
W: Yes, you did. There is a great line in the play ‘Crown Matrimonial’, where Queen Mary turns her nose up at her son’s new penchant for cocktails, following his trip to America.
J: I quite agree with the British etiquette and do not agree with bringing drinks to the table. Unfortunately some people bear the thought of being ‘dry’ for any length of time, and rely on this alcoholic crutch.
W: I know. And it would be ill mannered to tell them off as host (or guest).
J: Absolutely, cardinal rule, never embarrass, even when they insist on drinking from the finger bowl.
W: Have you heard the story about Prince Philip (and the finger bowl)?
J: No, do tell.
W: At a royal banquet over here, one guest who was seated next to the Prince picked up their finger bowl and drank from it. So as not to embarrass the guest, the Prince did the same.
J: Prince Philip expressed great kindness in his action, having had two special ladies to set an example for him. I haven’t been in such a circumstance but I think it might be rather fun.
W: We digress; let’s get back to stemware placement.
J: During the fish course, white wine is customarily served, a nice Sauvignon Blanc for example. I know today there are wine glasses blown for every conceivable varietal, which I think is a combination of wine snobbery and clever marketing.
W: Indeed. Also, the Victorians loved creating new implements for all sorts of different courses and things: i.e., fish knives.
J: Yes, the Victorians were quite amazing that way; however the whole wine glass thing is rather a new phenomenon.
W: If you look on Wikipedia, they give you a whole visual chart (click ’show’ next to Drinkware) of different stemware – useful for a novice
J: I think a utilitarian white wine glass works just fine for all white wines, save a dessert wine.
W: Exactly! There is no need to confuse people.
J: The main course is often a meat course and is accompanied with a red wine. The red wine glass is set therefore to the left of the white wine glass.
W: Unless white meat is served
J: If a white meat such as poultry or pork is served, a different white wine is often chosen. If salad follows the entree, yet a third wine might be offered. With each change of wine, a new glass must be used.
J: Dessert is customarily accompanied by Champagne, served in a flute, which is placed as the innermost of the stemware.
W: Yes or a pudding wine. Although over here some people think pudding wines are naff (pretentious).
J: And what would such a pudding wine be – sweet, port? Port is delicious with cheese
W: Now you’ve stumped me on that one, but yes they are generally sweet wines – closer to sherry or port but not sherry or port, if that makes sense
J: Yes, there are some wonderful sweet wines.
W: As we’ve mentioned Port, how about a quick mention on its etiquette?
J: That usually depends on the assembled group; after dinner with cigars, the Port bottle is never put down on the table until emptied. As I understand it, on board a ship, a Port decanter has a rounded base so resting it on a table would be impractical.
W: Yes, and always passed to the left.
J: Yes. It has very high alcohol content for a wine and so it’s best not to serve it all night.
W: If someone is hogging the port bottle, the correct euphemism to get him to pass it on is: “Do you know the Bishop of Norwich?”
J: Ah, that’s news to me.
W: If the person being queried does not know the ritual, the person will remark “He’s an awfully nice fellow, but he never remembers to pass the port.”
Before we move on to how to hold different glasses, how about mentioning the water glass?
J: Of course, the largest glass on the table usually placed directly above the dinner knife.
W: How do we correctly hold different glasses? I would say that for white wines, it is held by the stem, to avoid heating the chilled wine. For red wine, you may hold the bowl of the glass.
J: Generally speaking wine glasses should be held by the stem near the bowl. Grasping the bowl, although done by many, white or red regardless, is incorrect. You could rest the red wine glass in your hand, but only the most bottom part of the bowl touching. I think brandy snifters would be an exception. And brandy and port vessels are usually brought out when served, not set in advance
W: Now, I think we should mention the rule/tip when setting stemware on the dinner table (when setting). Never touch the rims – always place by the stem – this is hygienic and avoids leaving fingerprints in the glassware
J: I made sure each glass was hand polished before set on the table, and do so at home as well, where I am the wait staff
Symmetry is also important when arranging glasses. Each setting should be identical.
W: Placing each piece of glassware, china and silverware carefully and symmetrically reflects the care which you have taken to present a beautiful table.
J: I think that covers the subject of stemware. Let’s discuss table decorations next time.
W: Good idea!
