Filed under: Daily Life, Media | Tags: butter, clergy, country life, etiquette, gentlemen, johnny rotten, manners, protocol, rain, television, umbrella, umbrellas
Whilst doing the ironing today, I saw an advertisement for Country Life Butter, fronted by former Sex Pistols frontman, Johnny Rotten. Playing on the name of the product, there were various shots of him frolicking around in the countryside. One sequence caught my eye in particular: the rain/umbrella shots. An umbrella? In the country? Not the done thing.
Why? It was (and still is by some) considered that umbrellas are only suitable to be sported with town-wear (suits etc). Gentlemen in the country wear ‘country’ and thus an umbrella is not required. If it rains, then it is time to bring out the macintosh. The only exception to this no-umbrellas-in-the-country rule is for clergymen: they can walk about with umbrellas anywhere in the country.
Odd? That’s etiquette.
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See the advertisement here
Filed under: Daily Life | Tags: etiquette, letters, manners, please, protocol, thank you, uk
I was staying in a bed and breakfast earlier this week and my host and I started discussing good manners, in particular thank-you letters. She told me the most brilliant story, which shows that you should always write such letters after receiving a present or any sort of hospitality.
As children, her sister and her were always sent one pound for Christmas and respective birthdays from a distant relative on their father’s side. At the time, £1 was worth considerably more than it is today. The one-pound kept coming and both sisters wrote, without fail a letter to say thank you to the relative. By the time the sisters for in their mid-forties, the pounds were still being sent and one sister (not my host – her sibling) decided that it was a bit silly now as £1 wasn’t worth much at all and writing a thank-you letter was ridiculous. However, my host still kept on writing the letters.
One year, the money stopped. My host got a call from the relative’s solicitor to say that the relative had died and in her will had left her £250,000 but the other sister was left nothing. The will stated that my host had been left the money because she had “better manners and always said thank-you”.
Filed under: Daily Life | Tags: computers, etiquette, facebook, internet, manners, myspace, protocol, social networking, technology, twitter
This is not the first time this has happened; neither will it be the last, but according to media reports, a few weeks ago a worker was sacked for writing on her Facebook profile that her job with a marketing firm was “boring”. Kimberly Swann, 16, Essex, was asked to leave after her manager saw the comment.
Taken from BBC1's The Big Questions
The current ‘king’ of social networking, recently celebrated its fifth anniversary. The media covered this event thoroughly; I have spoken about the issue on various radio stations and last week on BBC1’s Sunday morning live debate programme, The Big Questions, hosted by Nicky Campbell.
Facebook is a wonderful tool, yet it can also pose great danger and caution is needed. It is important to remember that you are making information about yourself semi-public, and all-and-sundry can log-on, register and look at your profile.
I do not for one moment suggest that Facebook and the like are scrapped. Some of my friends are hopeless when it comes to email and the only way to get their attention is to send them a Facebook message (which can be both public and private). The important thing to remember is that social networking sites should be there to complement our social lives, and not to replace them. There is no substitute for face-to-face conversation. The danger with such sites is that younger generations will become unable to hold a proper conversation, or to write legibly. (My own handwriting is far from perfect! Although that is more to do with the rise of the computer in general, rather than Facebook or MySpace.)
These sites are no place for anyone who wants to remain anonymous or enigmatic; some people even choose not to reveal their real names.
As this unfortunate girl found out, some employers (rightly or wrongly) do now check their employees’ profiles – either before they hire or after. It is important that we don’t use our Facebook pages to create a different, more glamorous version of ourselves – masking the real person. If you are true and consistent to yourself, then you probably won’t fall into any traps. 
If you upload photographs of an event, do remember your friends’ egos. Decide (or ask) people what images they want online, especially if they are embarrassing. Don’t splurge out details of a private conversation you may have had in the public zones on the social networking sites. Avoid applications such as ‘Top Friends’, where you rate your friends and put them in order: you may as well line up your friends in real life and give them differing rosettes.
There is a school of thought that the more friends you have the more kudos you will gain amongst other friends: poppycock.
One positive of Facebook is that it tells you a few days before whose birthday is coming up, thus enabling you to (if they are a real friend) go and buy a present and/or card. This does not mean that for ‘real’ friends you can then write on their ‘Wall’ wishing them happy birthday. How impersonal!
Social networking sites can be a help; they can also be a hindrance. Common sense will help you steer clear of any mishaps that one day could cost you your job.
The more eagel-eyed amongst you may have realised that this post is a carbon copy of one I did for The English Manner’s blog earlier this week. We update that blog weekly (or try to). You can view it here.
Filed under: Daily Life | Tags: crazy frog, davos, gordon brown, judgement, mobile phone, mobiles, nokia, prime minister, ringtone, telephone
At Friday’s conference in Davos, Switzerland, Gordon Brown’s mobile phone went off – we’ve all been in this situation. I’m not going to dwell on the rights and wrongs of Mr Brown having it turned on during such an important summit (or why he didn’t turn it off after the first time it rang) but instead I thought I
would comment on his choice of ringtone.
Mr Brown, we all now know, has the standard Nokia tone, made infamous by the UK TV series ‘Trigger Happy TV’. (To watch the moment, click here.) Whilst this is a basic, default ringtone for Nokia phones, it conveyed so much about Britain’s premiere when it went off last week. Ringtones say so much about us as they are pieces of ourselves. If the default tone goes off, it suggests that you may not be as technically able, as you haven’t been able to change your tone (or you don’t have the time to!). If your ringtone is the crazy frog tune, then it shows you have a playful, yet very irritating side.
A simple ‘ring, ring’ is perhaps the most classic – it could suggest you are a plain, straightforward, no-nonsense type of person. Whereas an amusing little ditty, or the latest number one record shows that you are up-to-date with popular culture.
However, Lady GaGa’s ‘Let’s Dance’, may be cool to have go off around your friends, but how about around your superiors in the office? So much can be judged by so little.
Filed under: Daily Life, Etiquette Across the Pond, Foreign culture | Tags: america, canada, conversation, eye-contact, handshakes, introductions, manners, parties, transatlantic, usa
My website has relaunched today, and as part of that, I proudly present the first of a series of blog entries comparing aspects of modern etiquette here in Britain to Canadian and American customs. For these blogs, Canadian protocol and etiquette consultant John H. Remer and I have teamed up and together we’ve been having conversations about different topics. The first one is all about introductions. We hope you enjoy it. Feedback always welcome.
Click for more information on William and John.
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J: Good afternoon, William.
W: Hello, Jay! What is our chosen topic for today?
J: I think we ought to begin with making introductions. I teach people to introduce the junior to the senior and men to women.
W: Yes, the person of the subordinate position (including age) is introduced to the more senior.
J: Always being sure to name the senior or woman’s name first.
W: Yes, it’s the same over here. Thus it would be: “Sir Henry, may I introduce Mr. Stephens?”
J: Yes, and we must avoid the term ‘you to’ and remember it is always ‘to you’, correctly saying: “Sir Henry, may I introduce Mr. Stephens to you.”
W: Exactly. Now, what would you say once you had been introduced to someone?
J: “How do you do, William, nice to meet you”, – extending my hand to yours (which is hopefully extended) I find that repeating a person’s name several times in the first minutes of conversation ensures that I remember the name.
W: Yes, the repeating of 3 times helps and also ensures the other person feels welcome. However, may I point out that in formal British etiquette the response: ‘Pleased to meet you’ is a big no-no? It’s ‘how do you do’ and then your name. Some people over here find ‘How do you do’ a bit pompous – so I advise that they just stick to a simple ‘Hello’.
J: Eye contact and a firm handshake are also very important. No hand crushing or limp fish shakes or pumping from the shoulders.
W: Exactly. Also, don’t do a power handshake using your left hand to grip the other person’s hand. One hand is enough. And two pumps are correct. Anything else feels uncomfortable and awkward. Prolonging the handshake can also be an indication that you did NOT pay attention to the person’s name and have most likely forgotten it.
J: I agree and make sure your hand is straight up and down with your thumb pointed up and your fingers pointed forward to ensure perfect web to web contact. Do not shake with your palm facing down or with two hands; as that indicates dominance. The two-hand shake is usually reserved for the clergy who are trying to comfort someone.
W: Now we’ve done introductions. Shall we do ‘goodbyes’?
J: Yes, good idea William. For exiting a conversation, I think it’s wise to repeat the person’s name. A remark such as “I look forward to meeting you again, William” would be okay.
W: Yes. You can say ‘it was lovely to meet you’ (or variations on ‘pleased to meet you’) at the end. And I would never suggest using a person’s first name without them saying you can.
J: I agree completely. And how do like to handle business cards? I think it best to be asked for a business card from the senior executive.
W: If it’s a social gathering then a business card is probably not appropriate unless business has come up in conversation.
J: Correct. Business and social events are separate occasions.
W: Indeed. A lot of people mix the two up. However, “Here’s my business card” or “May I give you my card” after a brief conversation at a business function it is perfectly acceptable.
J: What about at a conference and you are working the room? I don’t think passing business cards out like confetti is very good.
W: No, but passing out business cards IS a function of being at a conference. It is absolutely reasonable and a way of networking. After discovering an individual with whom you want to do business, offer them your card.
J: I think of a business card as an extension of ones’ self.
W: Yes. I agree.
J: These introductions are the foundations upon which business relationships are formed. They should be very carefully planned in one’s mind and executed graciously.
W: Yes. Making a good impression first-off is vital, especially in business. People judge others, rightly or wrongly, within the first 5 seconds of meeting them.
J: We must also remember good posture. I like to remember Professor P.M. Forni’s great quote: “People like doing business with people they like”. Eye contact is critical and your eyes must remain above the neckline. Otherwise, delivery of the intended message can become too informal.
W: Speak clearly. If someone has to strain their ears to hear what the other is saying, that is bad manners on the speaker’s part.
J: I notice that many people tend to speak way too fast.
W: Especially when nervous. Try to take a deep breath before encountering someone, compose yourself. Remember that what you have to say IS important and worth hearing.
J: Smiling is an important component of showing confidence. The limited use of hands and arm gestures might emphasize a point and let the other person you are genuinely engaged in the conversation. By restraining your hands and or arms you keep from hitting the other person accidentally, we were taught to express ourselves with our mouths not our hands-it was always considered bad form.
W: Yes. One should also pay attention to what the other person is saying (even if it’s terribly dull) as they will no doubt ask a question to you once they have finished and you’ll look silly if you had switched off.
J: Escaping dull conversations is and of itself an art. It is important when working a room to be able to go from one small group of people to another without being disrespectful.
W: Yes. The ?do excuse me, I’ve just spotted someone I need to catch before they leave? is a good one if done well.
J: Once you have visited with everyone you wanted or perhaps did not necessarily care to engage you can politely excuse yourself. You have accomplished your introduction and good bye mission and hopefully made some nice new contacts for your business and or social future.
J: Well, I think we’ve covered some good ground today, William.
W: Yes, we have. Let’s talk again soon. Perhaps we could discuss the differences in table manners.
J: Good idea. Let’s speak soon.
Filed under: Daily Life | Tags: birthdays, christmas, letter, letters, manners, presents, thank you
A question I received over email today:
Q. We have just had Christmas, and it is my birthday coming up in February. Is it old hat and out-dated to send thank-you letters?
A. Certainly not. Sadly, thank you letters are a dying breed in our busy 21st Century world. As a child, my parents would tell me that if I didn’t send thank-you letters then people would not want to give me a present next time. Whilst this parental hyperbole is not strictly true, they do perhaps have a point. A thank-you letter is a gesture that you are actually grateful with the present you have just received. Simply saying thanks on the day is just not enough. They have gone out of their way to buy you a present, so a quick (doesn’t have to be lengthy) note to say thank you is hardly laborious. I do know someone who does her thank-you letters by phone. If you do choose to do it this way (which is better than nothing) make it a decent length call: first to say thank-you but then ask about their family/life etc.
Thank you letters should also be sent after you have received any form of hospitality. Text messages are no way to communicate your thanks.
Filed under: Daily Life | Tags: 25 december, chocolates, christmas, credit crunch, elizabeth shaw, etiquette
Last time I posted some etiquette tips on gift giving and Christmas parties. This post is all about (and please remember most of what I say are suggestions) Christmas Day etiquette.
Christmas Day
1. You may be dreading the 25th, simply because the number of presents under the tree is depleted compared to last year and your children’s reaction will be one of disappointment rather than glee. Why not make one of their presents a framed picture of the family on holiday or another happy time – this can help remind everyone that it’s not about the number of gifts but rather the thought that has gone into them
2. Turn off the TV! Despite the temptation to sit in front of the telly all day, get out to the local park with a football, play a board game, visit an elderly neighbour in your street with mince pies – do anything that is about interacting instead of just vegging out
3. Be nice to yourself and to each other. The day should not highlight what you don’t have, but instead about what you DO have. Remember that stress and frustration are natural reactions at this time of year and try as best as you can to rise above it – you never know, you may even have the best Christmas ever!
Merry Christmas!
Filed under: Daily Life | Tags: chocolates, christmas, credit crunch, elizabeth shaw, etiquette, gifts, presents
Christmas may have come early this year with a discount kick-start from high street retailers, but are we forgetting in our credit crunch panic that the festivities is not all about commercialism and spending? Elizabeth Shaw Chocolates put this question to me and asked if I could reveal how to get the most out of Christmas during harder times.
I believe that there is a danger of the cost of Christmas still taking over when instead we should be going back to our roots to rediscover some of the more traditional aspects of the Yuletide season. While it is completely rational for people to want to capitalise on discounts and spend money on each other, the economic downturn could actually be a good opportunity for people to also spend more time and thought on the people in their lives.
We have increasingly become a nation that wants a quick fix for our time-poor society and all too often that comes at the cost of doing things correctly. Christmas is one of those occasions when a little thought goes a long way. The basis of good etiquette is considering other people before yourself and so by following some simple rules you can ensure the festivities bring you more riches than you expected.
Gift giving
1. Write down five things about each person you buy for before you head to the shops. This will help cancel out impulse buys and make you really consider what each person would like
2. Instead of overspending on everyone, write a letter or card to them along with a smaller gift and explain why you value them in your life
3. If you are planning on not buying for the same number of people as usual, send a card earlier than usual explaining they are in your thoughts but that you would like to spend time with them and that this would be an ideal present from them to you– this will help stop embarrassing situations if they buy you a gift
Christmas parties
1. It may be that this year you are thinking of not attending as many parties as usual – the expense of clothes, presents, drinks and taxis mount up after all. Make sure you accept and decline well ahead of the events as the people hosting will also be counting the pennies and will not want to overproduce
2. However! There’s no need to be totally miserable just because you’re cutting back. Take the initiative – re-accessorise outfits from last year, plan to share a taxi with other people and take presents that are affordable luxuries (such as a box of Elizabeth Shaw chocolates!)
3. If you are hosting a party – don’t overdo it, even if you can afford to. This year people may well feel overwhelmed by an ostentatious show of pink Champagne and caviar. Think more cava and M&S party bites.
Check the blog on Christmas Eve for some tips about Christmas Day.
Filed under: Daily Life | Tags: 21st century, bad manneres, bible, communication, corinthians, mobile, stress
Britons are becoming increasingly bad-mannered because of the stressful pace of life, researchers say. Just one in five of us makes a point of saying ‘please’ when asking for something. A simple ‘thank you’ is even rarer, with nine in ten people admitting they fail to express their gratitude when someone has helped them out. A similar proportion said they wouldn’t bother apologising if they bumped into someone and one in eight confessed they would let a door slam in someone’s face if they were in a hurry.
So because of our constant accessibility and mobile presence, should we perhaps compromise our common sense and let courtesies wane? Well, I think you’ll all know my view. But I shall let the writers of the Bible have the word on this:
“Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners” (1 Corinthians 15:33).
