William Hanson’s Manners Blog

My website has relaunched today, and as part of that, I proudly present the first of a series of blog entries comparing aspects of modern etiquette here in Britain to Canadian and American customs. For these blogs, Canadian protocol and etiquette consultant John H. Remer and I have teamed up and together we’ve been having conversations about different topics. The first one is all about introductions. We hope you enjoy it. Feedback always welcome.

Click for more information on William and John.

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J: Good afternoon, William.

W: Hello, Jay!  What is our chosen topic for today?

J: I think we ought to begin with making introductions. I teach people to introduce the junior to the senior and men to women.

W: Yes, the person of the subordinate position (including age) is introduced to the more senior.

J: Always being sure to name the senior or woman’s name first.

W: Yes, it’s the same over here. Thus it would be: “Sir Henry, may I introduce Mr. Stephens?”

J: Yes, and we must avoid the term ‘you to’ and remember it is always ‘to you’, correctly saying: “Sir Henry, may I introduce Mr. Stephens to you.”

W: Exactly. Now, what would you say once you had been introduced to someone?

J: “How do you do, William, nice to meet you”, – extending my hand to yours (which is hopefully extended) I find that repeating a person’s name several times in the first minutes of conversation ensures that I remember the name.

W: Yes, the repeating of 3 times helps and also ensures the other person feels welcome. However, may I point out that in formal British etiquette the response:  ‘Pleased to meet you’ is a big no-no? It’s ‘how do you do’ and then your name. Some people over here find ‘How do you do’ a bit pompous – so I advise that they just stick to a simple ‘Hello’.

J: Eye contact and a firm handshake are also very important. No hand crushing or limp fish shakes or pumping from the shoulders.

W: Exactly. Also, don’t do a power handshake using your left hand to grip the other person’s hand. One hand is enough. And two pumps are correct. Anything else feels uncomfortable and awkward. Prolonging the handshake can also be an indication that you did NOT pay attention to the person’s name and have most likely forgotten it.

J: I agree and make sure your hand is straight up and down with your thumb pointed up and your fingers pointed forward to ensure perfect web to web contact. Do not shake with your palm facing down or with two hands; as that indicates dominance. The two-hand shake is usually reserved for the clergy who are trying to comfort someone.

W: Now we’ve done introductions. Shall we do ‘goodbyes’?

J: Yes, good idea William. For exiting a conversation, I think it’s wise to repeat the person’s name. A remark such as “I look forward to meeting you again, William” would be okay.

W: Yes. You can say ‘it was lovely to meet you’ (or variations on ‘pleased to meet you’) at the end. And I would never suggest using a person’s first name without them saying you can.

J: I agree completely. And how do like to handle business cards? I think it best to be asked for a business card from the senior executive.

W: If it’s a social gathering then a business card is probably not appropriate unless business has come up in conversation.

J: Correct. Business and social events are separate occasions.

W: Indeed.  A lot of people mix the two up. However, “Here’s my business card” or “May I give you my card” after a brief conversation at a business function it is perfectly acceptable.

J: What about at a conference and you are working the room? I don’t think passing business cards out like confetti is very good.

W: No, but passing out business cards IS a function of being at a conference. It is absolutely reasonable and a way of networking. After discovering an individual with whom you want to do business, offer them your card.

J: I think of a business card as an extension of ones’ self.

W: Yes. I agree.

J: These introductions are the foundations upon which business relationships are formed. They should be very carefully planned in one’s mind and executed graciously.

W: Yes. Making a good impression first-off is vital, especially in business. People judge others, rightly or wrongly, within the first 5 seconds of meeting them.

J: We must also remember good posture. I like to remember Professor P.M. Forni’s great quote: “People like doing business with people they like”. Eye contact is critical and your eyes must remain above the neckline. Otherwise, delivery of the intended message can become too informal.

W: Speak clearly. If someone has to strain their ears to hear what the other is saying, that is bad manners on the speaker’s part.

J: I notice that many people tend to speak way too fast.

W: Especially when nervous. Try to take a deep breath before encountering someone, compose yourself. Remember that what you have to say IS important and worth hearing.

J: Smiling is an important component of showing confidence. The limited use of hands and arm gestures might emphasize a point and let the other person you are genuinely engaged in the conversation. By restraining your hands and or arms you keep from hitting the other person accidentally, we were taught to express ourselves with our mouths not our hands-it was always considered bad form.

W: Yes. One should also pay attention to what the other person is saying (even if it’s terribly dull) as they will no doubt ask a question to you once they have finished and you’ll look silly if you had switched off.

J: Escaping dull conversations is and of itself an art. It is important when working a room to be able to go from one small group of people to another without being disrespectful.

W: Yes. The ?do excuse me, I’ve just spotted someone I need to catch before they leave? is a good one if done well.

J: Once you have visited with everyone you wanted or perhaps did not necessarily care to engage you can politely excuse yourself. You have accomplished your introduction and good bye mission and hopefully made some nice new contacts for your business and or social future.

J: Well, I think we’ve covered some good ground today, William.

W: Yes, we have. Let’s talk again soon. Perhaps we could discuss the differences in table manners.

J: Good idea. Let’s speak soon.